When I’ve been praying for something to occur for so
long....that its no more a prayer but an obsession
And my mind is constantly thinking and overthinking...never ending doubts
When will it happen? Where will it happen? How will it
happen?
Till I become so dejected, frustrated and exasperated
That I ask Will it happen?
And finally say I don’t care if it happens.
Magic occurs when I state this.
Because when I state “I don’t care anymore”
I’m no longer chasing the boon
But allowing it to find me
When I say I don’t care if it happens,
I no longer need something external to fill a void in me.
When I say I don’t care,
I find what I need within me
And hence attracting the boon.
 |
| ...if only you search inwards... |
Fear not dear readers, when you feel hopeless, lost
and frustrated
Respect this feeling and allow it to flow through you
Understand the root of this feeling to be
You seeking without what exists within
When you go to seek a gem outside
Never finding what you want, the frustration rising,
Finally feeling dejected, come home not to seek but to
rest
Rest knowing you can live your life without the gem
And as you enter your space
With the thought of rest and not the race
Finding a comfortable place to lay down
Within seconds, the gem that you sought, is found!
Would you have believed your home to be a treasure
trove had someone prophesied it to you?
Would you have believed your place to be heaven had an
angel dropped this thought in your head?
Perhaps you would have believed if someone else had
found a gem within your home
And you, frantically searching for the same inside
Sometimes finding it, sometimes not
Never allowing the flow to flow
Or allowing the gem to find you
Settling for something purely out of desperation.
Why do you take your home for granted?
That it will remain to be ordinary without hidden
treasures?
Why not begin to clear your own space first
Before you chase illusions in the outside dust?
What you seek exists in you
And you will find it
When you create a space within your place
And allow it to find you J
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In my relatively short experience of living life, I have come to this simple realization: What I seek exists within me.
If I 'chase' something, it pretty much means that it is out of my reach (why would I chase something within reach?) and it will remain to be out of reach, even when I catch it, because I have chosen something outside or without to fill something inside or within me, when I already have that something within me; I need to search inside me.
No wonder I tend to feel temporarily happy and permanently hungry after I 'catch' what I chase since it is the reflection I've been chasing and not the object itself.
I've been trying to catch my reflection in the water, not realizing that it is a reflection and thinking it to be the real object.
So where would the object be? Within me.
What should I do to find that object? Let my obsession over the reflection go, calm my mind and create the space in my mind which allows that object to come to me.
Which is not the easiest thing to do in reality.
The reflection, though an illusion, gives me an ego boost that I can 'catch' it (we humans are hunter-gatherers by nature... this is how we are programmed by our evolution)
Whereas the meditation and mindfulness forces me to surrender my ego for something better-the object I seek.
 |
| I am the object creating the reflection |
In my journey till now, it has been extremely difficult for me to surrender my ego and trust the Universe entirely (my ego is basically the pride I have in me and I take a tonne of pride in myself).
And the times when I did, my hopeless state was flipped on its head within seconds and miracles which I could have never dreamed of, entered my life.
 |
| ...Let it go and watch what happens... |
Now, why on earth would I be blocking the miracles meant for me? Who doesn't love miracles? I now realise that I was not receptive or open enough to receive unexpected blessings because I had been expecting blessings to come in the form I wanted them to come.
I could be desperate for one gold coin and want just one round golden colored coin, obsessing over its shape, weight and size, while avoiding any dusty old brown box (unknown to me, containing thousands of gold coins) that came my way since it didn't look like that one coin I wanted and expected to receive.
Miracles are almost never in the shape I expect them to be and I'm learning to be more appreciative of what I do receive and less obsessive over how I receive it.
This beautiful lyric from the song Malargal Kaettaen in the movie OK Kanmani, sums up the magic of miracles when you are ready to receive them in any form.
Malargal Kaetaen, Vaname Thanthanai
Flowers I asked, a Garden you gave
Thanneer Kaetaen, Amirtham Thanthanai
Water I asked, Nectar you gave
I hope this helps you, dear reader, to let go of your worries, focus on yourself and your work and allow unexpected blessings and miracles to flood your life, all of which you definitely deserve.