I made it to the beginning

Peace Can't Wait – Hood Memorial Christian Church

Lying for months inside fear and self doubt, crippled,
Hoping for a saviour strong
Praying for deliverance every second
Not daring to make a move, in case it went wrong

Day after day, as I lay low
Watching my fears grow
The thought of giving up inviting
for me, who was tired and exhausted of fighting

Why are there no answers to my cries of agony?
If there is a God, where is He?
If there is a universe, what is it doing?
Am I delusional to pray so? thus escalated my brooding.

At times, there came flickers of light
Too small to enlighten but present
Ecstatic I become on seeing such a sight
And strength in my faith, escalating

Suddenly, the surroundings all dark
I feel pulled from all directions, tortured
Layers of my being were being torn
Though afraid, to the memories of that light I latched on

A test to my faith, it seemed so
As unimaginable pain and discomfort
Taunted my mind, which thought
It impossible to get respite from this incessant storm

Suddenly, the pain subsided
The storm vanished, as though no more
A warmth touched my eyes
And strengthened my soul

Disbelievingly, I slowly uncurl
Feeling a tickling gentle shock throughout my form
Stepping forward hesitantly, I find
The earth firm beneath my feet, the entrapment gone

Standing tall, I discover
A pair of leaves waving confidently
A network of firm roots nourishing
A tender yet infinitely strong body

Surrounding me are hundreds of massive trees
That the storm hath not hurt? I ponder
And realize that it was a storm within me
That helped me become and evolve.

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I have learnt that people asking me questions was more out of curiosity and less out of care. I have learnt that no matter what I reply, they would stick to their judgement of me unless they choose to broaden their perspective. I learnt that what they thought about me doesn't matter What I think about me , however, does matter I don't need to seek approval or approve I need to seek acceptance of me by myself. Nobody is going to think better or worse of me. And the world will move on regardless of whether I follow my dreams or stick to comfort zones. I am not the center of the universe and there is no spotlight on me deeply analyzing my every move. Its all in my overthinking mind Anxiety, perfectionism, being an obsessive control freak, fear of rejection, fear of failure, constant seeking of external validation, is a by product of heavily and unnecessarily processing those opinions of the world, that need to be taken lightly with a pinch of dust. And I a...

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