It's 12:38 AM in my clock.
Having a plan in mind of how I'd tackle situations didn't always translate to what I actually ended up doing in such situations. In a very short time, I understood there was a gap between what I thought I'd ideally do and what actions I ended up doing. Here was the most frustrating part for me :
Then it struck me like a wall of bricks. I didn't have to be a lone fighter anymore.
There were instances where I was fixated on the result much more than the actions required towards those results, which ended up in me giving a half-hearted effort. There have also been cases where I was focused purely on the process, enjoying the present moment, without a concern for the results, where I ended up giving 100%.
I'll be taking the rest of the month off and my amazing editor will be taking over as writer for the next series of posts!
He will be writing down his personal insights, analyses and predictions for the upcoming Indian Premier League, with posts starting from tomorrow. Though I have very minimal sports knowledge, I will be a very unbiased editor (and layman) to assist him in his writing.
I'm on holidays.
Ideally I could be asleep. But I'm not.
I honestly miss the life at campus, where, on a regular day, I'd be in a frenzied brainstorming session with my group mates, trying to squeeze our collective brain cells to come up with a presentation for the 8 AM lecture next day.
I've had plenty of ups and downs, surprises and disappointments, core memories and gut wrenching experiences in a bundle of mere 6 months with this course. Each day would be different in its challenges. Navigating everything - new approaches to lectures, discussions, interpersonal relationships, the dynamic campus layout (it deserves a Marauder's Map), being boxed into a solo room, finding friends, finding yourself... the list goes on!! - and trying to stay afloat without nearing burnout is an achievement of its own.
I was foolish enough to think I could glide through this with grace. I had accumulated so many useful mindsets, techniques, tools and tricks to wade through any challenge, so it must be easy! - or so I thought.
If I knew what was going wrong, why couldn't I fix it? Why was I letting the same template happen again and again?
No amount of ranting to my classmates, my friends, or my mentor helped here. Honestly, I'm quite amazed I managed to get past 2 quarters and get through to the holidays.
I've had enough time to reflect and think about why I lost my calm (most of the time) in the chaos and it took me many days to arrive at a very simple, glaringly logical, evidence based conclusion:
I was not giving myself time to observe, process and evaluate a situation - I wanted to jump in and bend the scenario to suit me, without bothering to experience and accept it as it was.
I saw any "obstacle" that came my way as something to be thwarted & fought against, rather than taking the time to think if it was an obstacle or a harmless new experience.
I was, subconsciously, on high alert mode, at all times.
But, all I needed to be, all I needed to do, was to be present and observe life happen.
Why? Because this phase of my life no longer has painful lessons and I was unable to accept that I could possibly relax, let go and trust life to unfold.
Just because I didn't like something happening outside my comfort zone didn't necessarily mean that whatever was happening was... bad.
big brain moment
Then it struck me like a wall of bricks. I didn't have to be a lone fighter anymore.
This "lone fighter" mode, unfortunately, made me interact with people and situations with a lot of biases and fallacies. I was going around in circles, building mountains out of molehills, draining my own energy, in an attempt to protect myself from situations that were unfamiliar to me, which ended up in me jumping the gun and making choices that were fear-based, not evidence-based.
In reality, I didn't need that protection. Heck nothing major was happening, to warrant self protection! I ended up draining myself out of a fear that unpleasant circumstances could pop up and I had to be prepared for it by being on high alert all the damn time.
My brain found it difficult to accept that I could let down my guard and have no need for the high walls I had previously built when I was trying to do a major portion of inner work, because the steps I've taken to improve myself have built a stronger version of me that can manage to survive (and thrive) without the high walls.
I have done my due diligence by becoming aware of myself as far as possible (the good, the bad, the ugly) and by taking up major steps to slowly but surely become a better person. Now is the time for me to enjoy this pleasant season of my life.
If you've been an avid reader of my blog, you'd know pretty well by now how much I previously stressed on doing the inner work, taking steps to heal and improve.
However, I don't think I had ever mentioned about taking a pause to celebrate the person you are at the moment!! Celebrating who I am at present, will definitely be something I look forward to doing from now on.
So this tangent brings me back to the original theme of this post - Insights from MBA.
The previous rigamarole was key to drive my first point home, which is:
1. Trust Yourself
Genuinely trust yourself to make decisions that you feel is right and give yourself grace to make mistakes. Do not make hasty decisions in the heat of the moment just to put yourself out of discomfort of sitting in uncertainty (which is what I was doing - no wonder I ended up going around in circles).
Sit with the scenario, experience the scenario, observe it as it occurs and then make an informed choice, based on the available evidence. We have no other route than to operate with bounded rationality. Every choice of ours, though possibly fitting for that moment, may not always work out in the long run and that's okay! The energy spent in agonizing over the "perfect" reply/solution/etc. is a waste. It might as well be spent in predicting the impact of your choices, implementing the one that you feel is right and watching it unfold in real time.
2. Team Work exists!
Initially, I had a minor sense of inferiority as I felt I was not of much benefit as a team member to the teams I was a part of. I had no work experience and I was a chemical engineer so no question of having insights from past academics. But I soon realized my inherent strengths were also important for my team! If someone came up with possible solutions to a case study, I was good at evaluating each idea logically. I am yet to develop the skill of coming up with solutions, but I am reasonably strong in solution analysis from a holistic perspective. I am also good at communicating our ideas effectively to a larger audience and designing the flow of the presentation, factors which are equally important. Lastly, there were days where I couldn't give my 100%, days where I felt guilty. The moment I communicated my guilt to my team, they assured me it wasn't an issue, something I am very grateful for to this day.
One other valuable lesson I saw play out in reality is something that Krishna has already told in the Bhagavath Gita -
There were instances where I was fixated on the result much more than the actions required towards those results, which ended up in me giving a half-hearted effort. There have also been cases where I was focused purely on the process, enjoying the present moment, without a concern for the results, where I ended up giving 100%.
What I've learned is that the end results don't matter to me because they are not in my control.
What does matter, is the soulful satisfaction I can obtain by doing my duty as required for every task.
3. Very Little is Black and White - Accept the Grey
Pretty self explanatory, yet it is shocking that Black-and-White thinking could be such an insidious part of the human brain! It's easy for our brains and our egos to tackle absolutes rather than relatives. We find it easy to judge people, environments and things & reduce them to labels that can be easily classified as 'good' and 'bad'. Sure, this might look like it is making your life simpler but it actually ends up making your life boring, uninteresting and at risk of burnout. (Guilty of this too!)
How? Well, if you are entrenched in thinking in terms of only absolutes, you end up suffocating yourself by not loosening up enough to truly take in the beauty of the present moment, as you're busy judging it instead of experiencing it. This often translates into you scrutinizing yourself, your thoughts and your actions at every wakeful minute, judging your own self instead of letting you be present, hence making life miserable and boring to live.
When you interact with people in a black-and-white bias, you will find it very difficult to accept a person as they are, and you might end up losing on beautiful bonding experiences.
The risk you have to take, when transitioning from absolutes (everything should be this way) to relatives (everything can be the way it is), lies in how aware you are of your own core needs and values. The greater your awareness of yourself, the firmer you are about your core values, the less likely you are to be swept away by situations, the easier it becomes to view things relatively.
So in essence, for me to accept grey, I need to be clear on the black and white of my core self (i.e) I need to have a clear understanding & acceptance of who I am, in order for me to accept and appreciate who everyone else and how everything else, is.
4. Life is too short to bank on potential - do what you can with what you have now
I had major disappointments because I was dreaming too much about my potential and doing too little with what I had at the moment. I was fantasizing about potential that was genuinely there in me but I did not think of the work required to bring it to fruition. I confused what is with what could be.
Now I don't mean to say that dreaming on potential is wrong - in fact imagining all the possibilities you can think of is an indication that you can do it. However, depending on potential rather than depending on what I am capable of doing at the present moment, is a straight road to disappointment.
This goes with interpersonal relationships as well! Just because you see what could be in a person doesn't mean they also see the same potential or want to work towards it. Furthermore, even if they seem to have extraordinary potential but are below average at present, you're going to receive the below average consistently, no matter how much you expect the extraordinary to pop up one fine day. This is a sure shot recipe for disaster.
I know it's difficult to let go of the could be's and accept the "it is what it is now", especially when you've seen on-off instances where the potential shines. However, it is practical to plan and work with what is available at the moment, for you to take paths more suited with your present capabilities.
5. MBA is an all round character development course
I have not come across any other masters degree that has the classroom environment similar to undergrad courses (huge batch of students, long in-class working hours, avalanche of deadlines) and has such a diverse bunch of smart peers, who come from different places, lifestyles, languages and age groups. Like it or not, the people you'll share the next 2 years with will play a major role in impacting your personality, so why not take control and jump into character development with complete awareness?
The difference between undergrad and postgrad lies in the way I saw myself - in undergrad, I ended up getting to know who I was, at the fag end of 4 years. In postgrad, I have this self awareness, I know my shortcomings and I can take active steps to mold myself in ways that make me happy.
An added advantage is you get a taste of the real world without the major politics or repercussions, so if you are smart enough, you can play around to see what sort of interpersonal dynamics, working styles, communication styles, etc. work for you.
MBA actually has legit courses meant for personal development (in the guise of Human Resource Management). Imagine that! A course created specifically to give you personal growth opportunities!!
I have honestly grown so much as a person in the last 6 months than I have in the last 3 years thanks to the dynamic environment I've thrown myself into and there has not been a single day where I regretted my choice to take up MBA.
exponential growth
I'm sure this long, reflective post has helped you, dear reader, in some way, shape or form. (Maybe it has inspired you to take up MBA also?)
If you've made it this far, great! There is a bonus coming up your way.
..drumroll..
I'll be taking the rest of the month off and my amazing editor will be taking over as writer for the next series of posts!
His posts will be in his niche - SPORTS!
And no prizes for guessing the upcoming sports event that almost every Indian is gaga about - IPL!
He will be writing down his personal insights, analyses and predictions for the upcoming Indian Premier League, with posts starting from tomorrow. Though I have very minimal sports knowledge, I will be a very unbiased editor (and layman) to assist him in his writing.
You all will love this new branched off track that Parinaama Blog is gonna take.
Signing off with loads of excitement,
Maitreyi K